JM-Roe

It's been a while since I danced on the fringes of her tight lipped smile flung over the however many flights it took me to get to you I find, she is nothing like a concrete rose Nothing like the way you yell and run like you can't cover the entirety of the world in the few moments it took you to focus She falls into a void, waits and I'd done my best to avoid but I stumble much akin to a way that you get drunk Messy and loud and unabashedly happy I fervently try to follow the way your hands fly Noting how they mark and create but never really hold (Still) you are truly a genius Often I catch myself Saying things I don't mean Thinking thin

I am drenched under a leaking roof of plaster constellations I no longer house a thing to my name It's all you torn up inside me Dusty fingerprints untouched mark me You seep through the brick and the mortar And it's all you Tearing down my walls but I let you (and I let you)

I love your television mouth And all the prettiest colours that fly out I love your clothesline lips that men hang themselves up to dry I love you and your canopy eyes And I've yet to camp in them, sleeping with the wolves but now I'm under you Gazing up into a construction paper night sky

I found you at the bottom of a bottle In the bleeding ink of a pen I’ve found you with my head in my hands. I come to you, very much in tact but still only half of a man I look for you in their smiles in the whispers and spaces between words I look for you in all the people I meet but I look at them and I see you (I really only loved you first) I’ve searched the world and the lies through their teeth I’ve waited on each breath of a second wondering where I could find you next You are a modicum, and an elastic infinity Whatever there could be of you, I am all that is left I don’t know where you are You were never her

You tell her you made some sacrifices But you do not realize She did not have to be one of them Too often you were heavy-lidded Speaking through bleary eyes and seeing through faded words She was a comforter, all encompassing You would never comfort her You kept her kisses in your pocket with your spare change, pens, and bus ticket She gave you everything for your day's journey But come four steps out the house you seemed to have forgotten all about it She was a puddle and too often you were rain She was Narcissus, looking for her reflection But you washed her entirely away If you were just dirt You turned her into mud she was wet and ang

She falls asleep to chase her dreams Not to flee from the nightmares she so intensely feels Life is a constant headache to her and she hopes the hammers one day will cease It's the fifth mug she tossed this week, hands trembling like separate earthquakes And she picks up a pen hoping she can steady herself but she can never write the last apology she'll ever write to you She loved you more than she even knew how to She hopes she hasn't become a graveyard of memories but her heart is a marble tombstone And etched so precisely is your name dying on the edge of her lips Here lies the last apology she'll ever write for you You're a full-fledg

I used to be a writer I'm not much of anything anymore It's neither hatred nor anxiety Not even a foreboding sense of doom I carry with me a certain emptiness A weight that is dark and fills a room It's a nothingness not bred of anger It is a void that just simply is I relate not to stormy weathers Or a grey sky that's transpired too soon I'm not even a cold November evening Not so much a part and not at all a whole I am the same circular movements running laps around my head I've reached the finish line multiple times but I refuse to see it was ever there I am the same going through the motions the same interactions, and drinks, and sitt

There were storms in her eyes named after people who had come long before I They tossed her carelessly across jagged rocks And those pupils looked up and saw a lighthouse in mine I assured her, insisted I am naught but a mess She tells me she likes it with my fingers around her neck I'm not a shipwreck, I realized then until I've finally crashed into her, bursting through the haze I am the life raft navigating in vain the storms of people who hurt her and left